Are you suffering from topper’s syndrome? 💭
Have you ever listened to “Stressed Out” by Twenty One Pilots and wished that the lyrics: “ Wish we could turn back time, to the good old days ” would come true — So that you could enjoy your childhood and live a little, rather than just running behind perfect scores, awards and planning for your future, while forgetting the little things that mattered. Like those school trips you missed because you thought why waste time ! or those fun detours your friends took while returning from school, but you denied to do homework. If you are nodding your head in affirmation while regretting those decisions, you my friend may be diagnosed with topper’s syndrome.
So, what is this topper’s syndrome?
Well, it is certainly not another syndrome, whose symptoms and treatments you may find in WebMD. But, you could find umpteen number of cases around you and maybe in yourself after some introspection. Let’s delve into some of the signs that may prove that you have topper’s syndrome along with some of my own life instances to complement them.
1. It’s all about the outcome.
They (people having this syndrome) often ignore the fact that success is a journey, not a destination. Arkin explains that one of the hallmark symptoms is the staking of identity on outcomes. “They believe that people around them, and they themselves, judge their worthiness based upon how well they do,” says Robert Arkin, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at The Ohio State University.
This is one of the main reasons why they fear taking risks, hence disabling them to embrace failure as a ‘part of a process. ’
2. You secretly think that you are not good enough.
Another hallmark trait of such people is toxic self-criticizing, that leads to high self-doubt and ultimately robs them of mental strength. Let me give an example of myself. I have never taken part in a debate competition because I have always been able to console my inner self that I am not good enough, even though I have been told that I am a good orator. Take it from me, if you have the same feelings, then do something where you are bound to fail because that’s how you could practice getting over failure. For me, it was to ask someone out, who would have never said yes. 😉 Smart Right !!!
3. There is a short list of things you want to be good at — and that list only includes things you know you’ll be judged on.
People who do things for the love of it may have a wide range of things on which they stake their identities, such as hobbies, relationships, work, and the like. But they (people having topper syndrome) will narrow that list of things and want to be good at all of those things that society shall judge them on. In fact, I am writing this medium article just because this shall look good on my professional record and to the judgemental minds of society. I actually had thought upon writing an AI or ML related article to garner more views, but sometimes your heart takes the driving wheel. 😏
4. You’re very future-focused.
Because they are constantly trying to avoid bad outcomes because they are heavily focused on the future — and as a result, they often neglect the present.
5. You feel anxious a lot.
“ What if I f@#k it up! ” — These words blare out like purge sirens, every now and then when you are on a quest to do something, which has an impact in your future. For me, one of those many instances is exams. I have a serious phobia for exams, where I have nightmares of me failing them — I tend to get so stressful and anxious that even my body gives up to ulcers.
There are many different sources of motivation that can compel people to work toward their goals, yet they are often motivated out of fear. Fear of failure, fear of letting other people down, or a fear of looking weak or incompetent. This type of motivation serves as a source of anxiety.
6. You just got promoted, but you’re already thinking about how you’ll achieve the next promotion.
Because it’s so hard for them to just live in the present, the joy that comes from something like a job promotion can be cut short by thoughts about what’s next. “They’re never satisfied.”
7. You keep score in your relationship.
You may not be writing it down, but you’re probably keeping track of who’s doing what to contribute to a relationship. It may be who calls first, or who texts first or even be a trivial matter like did he/she ask you out first. If you ask me, this can lead to the conversion of the relationship into a game of pride, where you are just an egoist idiot.
8. Crunch-time is the worst time.
That’s because as someone having topper’s syndrome, you tend to be all over the place, considering the stakes are so high and the time is so less. Every step you take is basically a risk, hence it makes you anxious — because you are more concerned about the outcome rather than the journey of self-improvement.
9. You often feel stretched out real thin.
Are you part of too many projects, even though you are not interested in most of them? Usually, they are not satisfied with being skilled in just a few areas — they want to succeed at everything.
In school, they are likely to become involved in every club, organization, or activity that they possibly can. At work, they are likely to volunteer for as many projects or tasks that they can become involved with.
Unfortunately, rather than becoming the master of many skills, they may end up being what we call — “Jack of all trades, master of none.”
So, what do you think is the real culprit behind this?
According to me, Perfectionism is the primary cause, which may stem from frequent fear of disapproval from others or feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. Or having a parent who exhibits perfectionistic behavior and expresses disapproval when their children’s efforts do not result in perfection. The list goes on. But in this world, where there is no black and white but it’s all grey, you can’t attain perfection in the eyes of everyone. Hence, the best you can do is, STOP! letting society’s judgemental minds to define perfectionism for you with all their unrealistic goals. Rather stand up for yourself and attain your realistic goals while enjoying every trivial memory you make each and every day. There may not be any drugs to cure your topper’s syndrome, but with some good old introspection you can surely calm it down. And last but not the least, do it for yourself to cherish your present.
— From someone who has been told and has realized after some introspection that he also suffers from Topper’s Syndrome. 😅
